Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I had exams. But now school is a couple days from over... yay. I was sitting on the coach eating chips cus I don't have to study, and I was like YES SCHOOL IS OVER, SUMMER. But wait... After summer is more work, and after winter there is more work, HOLY CRAP LIFE IS A NEVER ENDING CIRCLE OF WORK. If you think about it, your always thinking... Whether your going to school as a mathematics student, acting as a mathematics student so you can tape the nerds, planning a vacation or doing shit that goes beyond what I can dream of. Eather way you're always working, it's a never ending cycle, Unless you're retired, but what comes next then? I don't need to tell you. So you're going through life enjoying what you're doing until you realise that the next thing you're going to be doing is work. You're half way through a sunday night hockey game, having the time of your life when you realise that you haven't done your French project. You could be half way through your summer vaca when you realise, holy shit I just wasted half my vaca. You could be playing halo during studying time, than realise ' oh shit i have a test'. Who are you helping. Yet when it comes to this topic, I'm not one to talk. I don't know if I have ADD or something but I cannot study for more than an hour. Infact I didn't study for my exams until the days before.

Sorry for being a pessimist. If you want some good advice and a good point of view, think of it this way. "the glass may be half full, but hell man, it's half full of beer"

A human is a very complicated thing. Not only is it made up of many muscles and bones, but it has emotions. The emotions are triggered by the brain, and the brain is triggered by what you see, touch and hear. People that touch the wrong buttons are like small infants with a computer. They don’t know what they’re touching; they don’t know they’re causing a problem, freezing you. Your leaders, education, experience and instinct have programmed and taught you about what you should react to, whether it will be something that should make you angry, anxious or content. As you brain grows, you learn what’s right and wrong to say or hear. You learn that some things are offensive, and that some things are said to make you laugh. Sometimes these two characteristics get mixed up, so that something that is spoken to make you laugh may come out as offensive. This is known as a misunderstanding, but some times things like this are meant to be offensive. These are remarks that are meant to trigger the receiving person to become sad. This characteristic isn’t meant to be triggered on purpose, but it must be there. As Newton’s third law stated, “"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. I’ll give you an example; for every person that wins the lottery and is extremely cheerful, there is somebody that loses who feels miserable. The same goes for someone that uses remarks that are meant to generate sad feelings in someone. They do it to make themselves satisfied, most likely because they think they impress somebody by doing it. Let me make this easier for you. You’re like a massive computer. If someone touches a button that shouldn’t be touched, then you become frozen, or if you want to refer to a person; depressed. You need someone to reboot you, to help you start over.  People that are sensitive have their buttons on the outside; the buttons are in the open. People that can take a beating and make it through without problems are the ones that hide the important buttons. They hide the keyboard; the people won’t even know it’s there. When you hide your sensitivity, the situation will turn around. People won’t be able to dig under your skin, you just put on armor. If someone makes fun of your hair, then you just shrug, laugh and walk away. The person won’t find any fun in making these remarks, and the person that they’re trying to impress won’t be impressed.  The reason I’m explaining this to you is simple. I want to explain to all people why it’s ok to be bullied; but it’s not ok to bully. The reason, I’ve been through it, I know how it feels to be not only on the receiving end, but on the offensive end. Everybody makes mistakes, but what separates the good people from the good from the bad is who can look back and try to fix what you’ve broken. 

Call me emo, call me emotional, either way i don't care. This blog is about getting what I think across to the readers, if I even have any. How I do it could be classified as emo but whatever, thats what you think.  What I'm trying to do is get my point and my feelings across and if you don't want to read this you don't have to. Don't offend me or anything or say stuff about my blog because all I'm trying to do is tell you how I feel, I don't get anything out of you reading my blog, except a slight satisfaction if you like it. I don't lose something if you stop reading it. So if you don't like it, don't read it, and please don't comment and say retarted stuff because no one thinks you're funny. This brings me to what this blog is actually supposed to be about. It's supposed to be about "bullying". See before bullying was where kids pushed other kids around and bugged them in public. The whole meaning of bullying has changed. It can be cyber bullying, physical, and vocal. And that's not all. You don't have to do anything anymore to bully someone. Your actions are the new form of bullying, whether you mean it or not. Ignoring someone when they're trying to tell you something is one way, whether you feel the same way or not. Some people just don't know how this feels, they don't think it's "bullying". I know, as many of you should, how it feels to be ignored or discluded. One of the biggest problems is that people think that the only way to get popular is to bounce off other people. An annoying comment about someone is just as bad as physical. No matter how retarted you think this or how emo you think I am I don't care, because I have to say vocal bullying is worse than Physical bullying. None are good, but physical will eventually heal, while vocal could be a scar that won't go away. People will remember the smallest comment when they are older.
My next message is for girls and guys. Rejection. It comes in so many ways. Ok, if your stuck on a way to reject someone, don't lie. Trust me it doesn't work, if you don't want to be with someone just tell them why. Tell them exactly why you think that it wouldn't work out. If it's just because you think they're annoying than tell them that you want to be friends, and that you just don't want a relationship. You know why? You give hope when you lie. If you say that you don't want to ruin a perfect friendship than that person will probably tell you that it won't ruin the friendship. I'm sorry but its your fault, your digging your own hole. Ever time you tell a lie, than you dig deeper. And every time you don't tell them the truth the hole gets harder to get out of. Eventually you'll realize that you'll have to tell them the truth, and it will hurt them more if you just would have told them in the first place. And anyway most guys can see through your lies, so the truth is just easier to go with, if you want to do it the easiest way.

In my first entry I will just try and summarize how I feel on a whole. To tell you the truth, I just think that I'm screwing myself over everyday. At school it's hard to take me seriously, and it's my fault. I have a sence of humor that urges me to take all the oppurtunities to use it that I may get in a day. Some people say thats why people like me, but I want to be able to be serious sometimes. Some times i just feel like shit, and people are still joking around with me. I can really stop them either, it always seems like I'm joking or something. I'm going through the hardest part I've ever had in my life. I have so many problems that I don't want to tell people about. I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me, because thats not wat I want. I don't want help, because I know already that I can't do anything, I already know whats happening and why. I have friends to cheer me up, but as soon as I get home I realise my situation again. It just makes me like a twig ready to snap. Anything that's offensive that someone says can send me over the edge. And they'll never know, because I don't want them to. They won't know because they don't know whats happening or who I like. I try and be as smooth as I can as school, as to not let anything out, but every second I get a bit of time to rest I remember what's happening. I always second guess myself because I'm so uptight, even screwing up and embarrising myself in front of a total stranger can get me wound up for days even though I'll never meet them again. My head keeps going over and over the situation, telling me what I could have done right, but not wrong. My brain doesn't keep positive things, I have to add them myself. I just feel sometimes like people are judging me constantly, and that being someones friend isn't a constant thing. And ya, sometimes I feel a bit competitive and I hate it. I hate how I always have to be better than people at stuff, I just don't want to care. Call it a competitive nature or whatever but I'm sorry because I also wish I didn't have it. I just always feel that I'm fighting for my friends 24/7. People talking behind my back doesn't bother me as much as long as they're not my friend. Because a friend that talks behind my back obviously doesn't know how it feels. I have to say how funny it is how people can be so nice to you and the next minute be talking behind your back. Especially when you know it's happening. You look at the person and think 'no way, talking behind my back?? they're so nice'.
Another thing that I know no one cares about, but is so obvious, is the popular groups and people that get surrounded all the time, and then the people take it for granted. I mean if I go sit in a corner, I won't get anyone to sit around me unless it's kelly joking around, or maybe Evan or Alex. Those people you know are your friends. They have the opportunity to sit with the popular people yet they chose to sit with you. Even if they don't really want to, they're thinking about the long run. The people that take groups forming around them won't be the ones that will remember you coming to sit with them. Ya, I do sit with the groups sometimes, but if I see one of my friends sitting on their own, I'll go sit with them, because I know they'd do the same thing...

Hey everyone, I guess you could say this is my first entry, if you can even call this an entry. This is the place where I'll express how I'm feeling, and give you facts you probably don't need to know. There is a Chat box on the right I think. It should work fine, its not chat but tell me if you guys think I should get chat on here, because I can. So ya have fun on here, I'll work hard to keep you updated on what you really don't need to know